So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize