You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Two words: nipple clamps
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