You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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