Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
