would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
