Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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