Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
