He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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