I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
