I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
