gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
