Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
