i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
