Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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