Got a toothbrush?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
