Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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