my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
