Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
