we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
