I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
