I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
