he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
