We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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