she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
