So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
