I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
