Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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