I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
