high people should be assigned attendants
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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