I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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