I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
