...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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