She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
