insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
