Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
