JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
