just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
vagina is talking i cant
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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