I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
