Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We are two peas in an std pod
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
