thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
