UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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