He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize