I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
