In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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