there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't turn off my feet"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize