you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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