I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
