He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
