who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
