you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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