don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
