take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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