In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
