at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
