my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize