Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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