Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
