This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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