This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
