I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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