so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
