DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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