I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
